i think i might be insane

i am up in the middle of the night writing a manifesto on how i am going to help change the world by creating art.

it will be a three year project in which i work to meet goals, create art, and donate thousands of dollars to charities.

it requires the creation of 2012 pieces of original art each year until October 31st 2012. that's 5.5 pieces of art a day for three years. that's a total of 6036 pieces of original art.

and the idea is to sell them all to raise money for charities (and to help support the therapy i shall need from the nervous breakdown of epic proportions.)

but it's real.
and it makes me feel.
and it keeps me up until 4 am making manifestos on how to do it all.
and i want to succeed in it, like i have never wanted to succeed at anything else.
so how can i ignore it?

the problem... well for starters i have never sold a piece of art in my life. and oh so many many more i can't even begin to list.

this is epic... and possibly impossible and yet it would certain throw me face first into a whole ton of my stuck. the question is do i do it or do i stay safe and small and in the comfort zone?


let's find out... check back here for crickets chirping or plans

this is what i know

a list created when trying to come to terms with life and it's challenges:

pain keeps people sedentary and craving safety
reflexology interrupts pain
i can read most anything
i can seek out and find information
i am creative
looking for miracles can make them appear
everyone is struggling with something at some level
tarot cards can trigger solutions in your subconscious
when you look for beautiful things, sometimes you find them
stuckness arises to slow you down and teach you about Fear. Self. Doubt. Pain.
the period following stuck is usually packed with joy and movement.
people think i am a faerie.

YES!

except from The Art of Non-Conformity

In the Rock-Paper-Scissors game of life, every day we have endless choices.

Door A or B, blue or red pill, etc. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Hope beats fear
2. Abundance beats scarcity
3. Yes beats no

That thing you’re working on today – will it matter one year from now? If so, great. Keep doing that. If not, why are you doing it?

when in doubt

keep moving forward

there are no guarantees that this will work

especially if the way ahead is all cloudy and mist filled

you might fall down a hole

then again you might find treasure

but really plodding along is a very good way to just keep things going, it is much harder to stop-loose momentum and then have to start rolling again.

just thought i'd say this seeing as all this stuckness has been hovering around me making my life difficult as of late. still not unstuck but am enjoying the process and the view a lot more from this place.

moving out of stuck

is slow.

but it happens.

there's this point of surrender when you just don't give a damn which way things are gonna go.

at that point you can find me either curled up in a tiny ball or doing something i love.

today i started making books. because the world needs my handmade journals made from beautiful papers, ribbons and all manner of things recycled.

mostly i sat down to make books because i was tired of working on my business and i wanted to play. but play in a way the feeds my soul.

there is nothing more filling then creating beauty.

stuck... i'm stuck

when you have entered the land of stuck it is very hard to move.

like any movement has the potential to get you stuck-er.

like stuck to the point where you can't use your hands or legs.

any movements are now getting the stuck up around your neck and like very soon you are going to be eating the stuck and it will drown you.

i hate the stuck. hate. HATE. HATE the stuck. and I don't like to use words like hate.

but what i hate more than the stuck is the feelings surrounding stuck. of hopeless and defeat and immobility and ARGHHH. like you want to move and make things alright, but you also just want to stay and process, but fuck it sucks and it's hard and it's ugly and ARGHHHH!

so yeah life's good here... what's it like in your neck of the woods?

most of me knows this is a cycle and it will be soon be over. but there's the part that knows, like in the image above, that once the cycle is over i will become compost for some other adventurer.

meta-physical death/change is often twice as excruciating as literal death. mostly because it keeps happening over and over as we grow. literal death only happens once. usually.

what i can do? ... go pull some more weeds. maybe it will ground me. maybe it will just piss me off, but no matter what it will create a little bit of beauty that i can glom on to and stare at in this time of stuck-ness.