You deserve happiness, love, joy and ease.

Remember this and find ways and opportunities to smile, laugh and celebrate.

The most elegant and beautiful thing about humanity is the ability to take a really hard situation, to feel the heartache and pain and to keep going... it is stunningly beautiful.

May you fall apart and re-build yourself anew.

Be gentle.

there are monsters in my head

and they say mean things like:

• why are you doing that that way [sotto voce] moron
• so what if this week was a success look at next week [sotto voce] looser
• yeah, well let me tell you... [insert criticism and the RIGHT way to do it]
• so um when are you ever gonna get ahead? cause you've been like doing this for years. shouldn't you have figured it out yet?

so for all of my monsters i say I LOVE YOU! (only slightly forced but with real compassion and gratitude)
thank you for trying to keep me safe (and small and invisible.)

but really, you aren't helping anymore. so tell me what you need and let's make a deal. cause i want to make new friends and see new people and play more.

you can come to, but you have to learn some manners and start brushing your pointy teeths.

i am saying a little prayer for myself and for others. i had an immense attack of "i don't like you" energy and find within myself a jealousy and an intense focus on there is not enough and i don't want you to have any of it.

so i am owning that part of myself, and trying to release the ego attachment and offering up a little prayer.

we are all here learning. most of us are currently treading water and have been for awhile.
there is always enough. always. sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not, like ask for help, or work long hours.
we all come in with baggage. it matters not how amazing or terrible our upbringing was, we all came in with hurts and challenges to work through.
be thankful for those feeling of anger, resentment and jealousy for they show you where you are most grievously wounded and ready to heal.
be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
every word you say is a prayer.
love conquers all.

Love yourself some Earth

this place is one of the most magical places in the entire universe.

where ever you are find yourself a patch of dry, damp, dusty, lush earth and park yourself there for at least 10 seconds.

say thanks

take a breath of air you can breathe even if it's full of pollutants... and try to not add too many more of those pollutants.


no will save the earth alone. no group will save the earth. no political party. maybe not even aliens can save it.

but stopping to give thanks might just turn the tides.

gratitude can and will save anything.

and the earth will respond with love.

in my time on discovery bay i learned a magical truth. book on enlightenment often talk about stillness, and silence that comes with transcendence into a higher state of being.

over the course of this month i found this to be a huge mistake. there is no stillness ever in the universe. things are constantly moving in and out of states of being, tides never stop ebbing and flowing, air never stops moving in and out and around. there is sound everywhere, birds, air, sand, animals, traffic....

we were gifted with great big brains. may we use them.

we were gifted with great big beautiful hearts. may we love with them.

we were gifted with ears and eyes and 4 other magical senses, may we use the ones we know and develop the one we don't quiet trust.

thank you mother earth for holding us and for shaping magic each day. may you teach how to love as unconditionally as you do.

nearing the end...

of my writing retreat. i have started to look back over all i have done. i am not sure i accomplished much in the "real world" but i cannot help but think i have done amazing things in my physical and emotional body.

i have been dreaming vivid, huge, impactful dreams. i cannot remember most of them upon awakening but i somehow feel different. like my entire body is somehow regrowing, regenerating and transforming into something much more able to live in a constant state of love, peace and flexibility.

kayaking yesterday i had a blissful experience of pushing my body too hard and relaxing it completely into the boat and the water and the world around me. i have never been able to easily do this. i have great fears come up when thinking of myself in this tiny boat sitting a top a vast deep body of cold salt water. i have great respect for the water and i know at any moment it can snap my life clean away. but yesterday my goal was not how to fastest get back to land but how to experience my body, in this boat, the wind, the waves the creatures and the deep teal and ever changing rich blue shades of water and land.

this is the dance i am striving to bring back as i prepare to re-enter the normal daily life. the beauty of the dance, the surrender to trust, the ability to look around and take it all in. to love, to see, to play, to push, and surrender.

see you on the flip side.

life on the edge

i am currently at the beginning of a writing sabbatical. for several years i have felt there were words stuck within me that need to be put into book form. i have no idea if this will be any good, if the book will ever be for sale or if i will even write 5 words. the point of this is that i leaped. i rented a house with a friend in port townsend and this has been one of the greatest YES moments in my life.

so many of us stay still. we debate, we ponder, we dream but we never act. i don't really have the money to be renting a house on the beach, nor do i have any vacation time to supplement my income. so this adventure is not without it's risks.

but that's the point.

i am 34 years old, i have maybe a good 60 years left on this planet. i can't afford to keep questioning and neither can you.

sometimes life desires us to act impulsive and irrational. you can always find another way to make money, another person to be in relationship with, another place to live.

you cannot get another life, nor can you live in relationship with yourself if you keep denying who you are and what you crave.

so here's to the brave people of this world. those who risk. who take radical and seemingly insensible decisions that may or may not pay off. here's to the dreamers who act on their dreams and the believers who just know eventually everything is gonna be alright, even if it's 30 years from now. and here's to all of those people who told themselves NO, and had other people tell them they were insane... when you say YES anyways, you are paving the way for countless generations to believe in themselves, to trust their instincts and intuition, and to always follow love.

and here's to me: you get a gold star cause even though you told yourself NO you did it anyways.

miracles arrive to those who look for them, seek them and act on them.

it's all about love

these pictures were sent to me by a friend and they opened my heart, creating so much joy and tears of gratitude. this chimp has help to raise several tigers and leopards in her lifetime. sometimes enemies can be the best of friends when you open your heart to love.

sometimes life shows you miracles. often times it is trying to show you love. be open.

the lonely tomato

please help this amazing band go viral... distribute widely, watch often and comment with exuberance.

These are the days...

of owning personal responsibility

of not letting fear overcome your ability to risk, love, do, create and breathe

of showing gratitude for what you have, where you have come from, and where you plan to go

of dreaming the big dreams

of loving just a little bit more

and crying just a little bit louder

and praying
for yourself, your family, the world, our government and our nation

of asking for impossible things
like world peace, and justice, and a break for the underdog, more love, less war, more community, less hate, food for all, water for all, saving the planet, and saving ourselves

these are the days to breathe in, and get up, and take one more step... even though you are so very tired and it seems so utterly impossible and it looks so utterly improbable

all change starts within and ripples out into this world

have gratitude for those that make waves

have gratitude to be here and be alive so that you can choose differently starting right now

Friends

I got a call this morning from my Morganna queen of the faeries. She is one on the most magical people I know. It was amazing how after 3 months of her being away there was never any loss of connection. I feel like a years worth of activity has taken place but it only took my 15 minutes of rambling to have her fully caught up.

There are only so many people on this planet that you feel safe enough to have that deep of a connection with. The wonderful thing is that once you find one, more pop out of the wood work to join in.

We are all seeking love. To be connected at such a deep level that words are no longer needed, just the sound of their voice and suddenly all is understood, even from across the country, or the world.

To have this I have recently learned you have to be so open and so vulnerable that it no longer matters if you feel like you are breaking apart. Most people are so afraid of that openness, but in it we find our true self, our true strength and the silvery connection that binds us all. And from this view we see the pain of humanity and understand that nothing is ever about us but is only wounds being expressed to be healed. We are all hoping that by driving others away we will find that one person who will look back at us and say NO I won't leave.

what I want

I just found myself responding to a friends inquiry and felt the need to share as someone else out there in this big world might relate.

How do I know what I want?

Well this is a very difficult answer for me. Here is what I know. I know that when I get confused, angry or freaked out that I am not asking for what I want. Unfortunately this reaction usually has a negative effect on the person with me and I end up pushing them away and getting exactly what I don't want yet somehow think I deserve.

I had a hard childhood (we all did), I grew up in a emotionally needy yet detached family who had sever money issues and believe they would a) never get ahead and b) were haunted by familial beliefs of poverty and self denial. It has taken me 10 years of therapy just to be able to begin to identify these issues and start to move on them.

So how am I starting to understand what I want. I smile... I can help but smile when I see something or think about it. I feel peaceful (versus the butterflies I get when I state something I think I should want, or am offer something i don't want). When I have identified something I really want and start to think about how to get to it or obtain it things fall into place, the universe conspires to give it to me in strange and beautiful ways. And the most difficult one. I hurt... and I cry a lot... why? Because of the years that I have denied myself? No mainly because it hurts acutely to come back and love yourself enough to give it to yourself. So when the hurt is almost unbearable and I find myself smiling and crying at the exact same time I know I am in the exact perfect place and that I have begun to heal one more piece.

love happens

The Earth loves you!

do one thing today that shows you return her love.