questions

i love Havi and Shiva Nata i am so glad i found them on the internets!

here's to the wackiness of flailing my arms about for 3 minutes or less and it's incredible ability to move my crap and open my heart and make my shoulders less stone like

so prior to flailing my ares about i was down in the dumps. blah. unmotivated. exhausted. uninspired. a big poo-poo head. and now i am undoing all that with questions and flailing (not failing-flailing) because life is way more fun when you embrace your flailings

what do i need now?
sleep
the release of fear from my body
help?
space to relax into me
more shiva nata
some exercises and a hot tub


what is next?
sleep
letting thing percolate
reminding myself to stop digging up the awesome seeds i have planted
play! remembering what i do for play!
walks in the fall leaves, collecting leaves.

umm seriously... to stop worrying about this question is the very best thing that could happen in my life right now

what would help me?
walks
sleeps
to just STOP and breath, even for 5 minutes

what is missing?
groundedness
ease of mind, body and spirit
grace
solace
boundaries
FUN!
PLAY!
leaf kicking
what do i forget to tell myself?
life is about fun and taking things to seriously/stressing is how you get sick
if god/spirit/universe really do exist then why am i fighting so hard when i can just ask them for help

what is the most important thing right now?
sleep (i think there might be a repetitive pattern occurring here)
playing at chopping down things in your yard
walking in leaves
dancing
creating
remembering to embrace grace
asking the divine for help and receiving it


*look that heart is some of my new art and it's gonna live on my new website someday soon.

linking you to the incredible

so I have this amazing friend who read my last post and went and did the research for me. thank you love! she needs a job, anyone need an amazing research lady, or general admin help or a personal assistant in portland area? cause she will rock your world and make your life sooooo much easier.

anita is an incredible body/mind healer who also creates beautiful jewelry full of simple messages

and aimee is an amazing psychic who works with really cools "peeps" and translates their messages into things we can utilize and understand. she is also in process of birthing a book which i shall link to once it has materialized.

today is feeling a bit more grounded. i am taking the opportunity of good weather to paint the bathroom floor, clean out the garage and i saved some reject plants form home depot yesterday so i must get them into the ground to thrive. spouse used the good weather to escape and he paddled over to our favorite place, blake island for the evening. i shall pick him up sometimes soon.

did anyone in seattle see last nights incredible redREDred sunset! AMAZING!

rules

I found these rules to live by today and although I don't like the idea of rules I thought these ones were pretty ok for rules. These pre-date the commandments, in case you like that kind of information.

1. Examine life



2. Worry only about those things under your control



3. Treasure friendship



4. Experience true pleasure



5. Master yourself



6. Avoid excess



7. Be a responsible human being



8. Don't be a prosperous fool



9. Don't do evil to others



10. Kindness to others tends to be rewarded

i need to work extra hard on 2 & 4 & maybe 8

wedding pics

remember that amazing wedding i gushed about on the 4th of July

here are pics

beautiful!

the invasion begins

apparently we were invaded by aliens in Washington

i do not feel any different, maybe a bit more positive so maybe these be good aliens.

i couldn't see the spaceships from my house in Seattle, they were sort of blurry due to the hazy pollution and i thought they were just strange clouds.

p.s. that is Mount Rainier, it is 14,400 feet high. those are some seriously large space ships

Escaping the heat

this is my leg post kayaking adventure. I did not wear a spray skirt on the way over due to the heat. i also forgot to lather my inner thigh with sunscreen. ooops!

one week later i still have this wonky shaped burn on one leg. it seems to be here to stay awhile. bizarre.

escaping to Blake island during the INTENSE heat of last week was a very good thing. there we were sitting at our picnic table, cool breeze sipping tea and listening to the radio chirp out 99 degrees at Sea-Tac. this was at 8pm. OMG! YUCK!

we were laughing at the fact that we were 6 miles away, could plainly see Seattle and the planes coming and going from Sea-Tac and we were almost too cool. it's amazing what a large body of 50 degree water can do to coll a place down.

other than the burn the trip was delightful, lots of walking, and reading and eating and napping. also communing with the deer who came every afternoon to our campsite for their snack of laurel leaves. and raccoons who came every evening and tried desperately to find some oversight in our raccoon proofing of the camp. foiled again you pesky varmint!

i am so ready for a nice cool rain.

i adore the sun, but i miss the clouds and the variety in my days. too much of a good thing can really be too much. i know i won't be able to remember or savor these days when in December i am lamenting the lack of sun and the excessive rain and clouds so please can i exchange a bit of this sun for some of Decembers rain and forward this brightness into a cool sunny December day?

20 minutes to your life purpose

am going to wander off here in a moment and do this activity, will report back results within the hour. if you choose to play may the epiphanies roll out and create clarity and bliss!

Blogger Steve Pavlina says that you can discover your life’s purpose in as little as twenty minutes. To do so, complete the following four steps:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type.
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

Steve writes that “usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is” and that you should expect to generate some repeats or similar answers. All this is fine so long as you keep on writing, even if your answers begin to resemble variations on “I don’t have a purpose” or “Life is meaningless”.

Also, it’s not enough to react emotionally to an answer, according to Pavlina. You need to keep going until the emotion brings forth tears. If you feel the urge to quit, take a two minute break and then resume. According to the post, around 80-90 percent of those who try this method will reach their answer in less than an hour.

so what did I learn?

I learned that I can fill an entire 12x18 piece of paper FULL of things in 25 minutes.

That I did not cry as the above said I might, but I believe that is mainly because I have done various forms of this exercise for the past 10 years and that I have cried about a billion tears over this so maybe I am less emotive.

I learned that when I follow the pull--that is where juicy things come up to be moved

Here are the top 5 that pulled me, made me stop after writing them and almost evoked tears:

to feel

to believe in impossible things and delight and celebrate their arrival into the world

to love deeply with my whole being and allow myself to be loved that deeply

to be a faerie on earth

to overcome money as a limitation

YES!

except from The Art of Non-Conformity

In the Rock-Paper-Scissors game of life, every day we have endless choices.

Door A or B, blue or red pill, etc. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Hope beats fear
2. Abundance beats scarcity
3. Yes beats no

That thing you’re working on today – will it matter one year from now? If so, great. Keep doing that. If not, why are you doing it?

when in doubt

keep moving forward

there are no guarantees that this will work

especially if the way ahead is all cloudy and mist filled

you might fall down a hole

then again you might find treasure

but really plodding along is a very good way to just keep things going, it is much harder to stop-loose momentum and then have to start rolling again.

just thought i'd say this seeing as all this stuckness has been hovering around me making my life difficult as of late. still not unstuck but am enjoying the process and the view a lot more from this place.

BE

Embrace where you are right now, and while you're at it, embrace the idea that you could be here - right where you are - for the rest of your life. If you find yourself unable to embrace that idea, then you just may be right where you are for the rest of your life.

We cannot know where we may be tomorrow. Oh, we think we can, but we can't, really. We construct nice, tidy scenarios for our lives. We may even build in a few wonderful options, like winning the lottery. We shy away from the options that frighten us. Fact is that what frightens us, owns us. Fact is that our nice, tidy scenarios limit us. Fact is that only by embracing the mystery of it all, only by embracing the fact that we know nothing - we know NOTHING! - can we be without the pain and annoyance of wanting what we do not have.

BE.

I found this again in my inbox... it had been saved for a good reason. sometimes words hit you over the head and these did just that... again...embrace the idea that you could be here - right where you are - for the rest of your life. If you find yourself unable to embrace that idea, then you just may be right where you are for the rest of your life.

this is from the Sacred Earth Seven Element Tarot... a beautiful daily reminder of life.

there is a thin line

between play and strife.

today's tarot draw was the 5 of wands you can see in the image 5 men holding sticks in a circle.

this card shows a standoff. but are they at

war?

play?

there is a very fine line between the two and it is up to us to choose laughter in this situation.

who cares that you have just been insulted... the best thing you can do in a tense situation is laugh.

this is true in any tense situation.

endorphins will be released, muscular tensions will be released. even if no one else joins in, or they move to bash you with their stick--because you have discharged your anger/tension with laughter, you will be able to react swifter, with more clarity and confidence.

choose play... learn to laugh at yourself and situations more readily.

your life will be a lot more fun and you will be a much more pleasant person (with less bruises)

moving out of stuck

is slow.

but it happens.

there's this point of surrender when you just don't give a damn which way things are gonna go.

at that point you can find me either curled up in a tiny ball or doing something i love.

today i started making books. because the world needs my handmade journals made from beautiful papers, ribbons and all manner of things recycled.

mostly i sat down to make books because i was tired of working on my business and i wanted to play. but play in a way the feeds my soul.

there is nothing more filling then creating beauty.

stuck... i'm stuck

when you have entered the land of stuck it is very hard to move.

like any movement has the potential to get you stuck-er.

like stuck to the point where you can't use your hands or legs.

any movements are now getting the stuck up around your neck and like very soon you are going to be eating the stuck and it will drown you.

i hate the stuck. hate. HATE. HATE the stuck. and I don't like to use words like hate.

but what i hate more than the stuck is the feelings surrounding stuck. of hopeless and defeat and immobility and ARGHHH. like you want to move and make things alright, but you also just want to stay and process, but fuck it sucks and it's hard and it's ugly and ARGHHHH!

so yeah life's good here... what's it like in your neck of the woods?

most of me knows this is a cycle and it will be soon be over. but there's the part that knows, like in the image above, that once the cycle is over i will become compost for some other adventurer.

meta-physical death/change is often twice as excruciating as literal death. mostly because it keeps happening over and over as we grow. literal death only happens once. usually.

what i can do? ... go pull some more weeds. maybe it will ground me. maybe it will just piss me off, but no matter what it will create a little bit of beauty that i can glom on to and stare at in this time of stuck-ness.

when life gets too complicated

try the simple things first.

this post sums it up perfectly: when looking for the eggs check UNDER the chickens first

it's a monday, on a tuesday which is fine by me... the basement got mostly finished yesterday!

but... the water is still dripping...
have called in help because we checked under all the chickens and now it's time for the professionals to be called in to solve the problem. sometimes life requires you seek out help, releasing some of your hard earned cash to keep the flow alive. *sigh* or in this case to stop the flow. ha ha ha.

am going to go meditate on abundance thereby manifesting more of it in the form of clients and/or a movie for eric

enter the weekend

alas my lovelies i am freed up and able to navigate the sunny Seattle weekend. i have given up even trying to work today.

i think a rocky beach is an excellent place to begin an adventure.

what else is planned? ... laziness with possible bouts of productivity.

and you? what's in store for your 3 day weekend?

stop talking now

in my desperate attempts to launch myself into the social world i find myself today making comments on twitter. and all of a sudden i freeze. and wonder what teh f*ck have i just said. that was trite and stupid and then the self critical monsters begin again.

drawing the tarot card of the day explained it all...

it a knight of swords day.

the know-it-all pompous teen-aged dumb-ass who offers advice freely and without thought or concern.

you know the one who leaps in to conversations without knowing WTF you are all talking about and manages to make everyone wrong, or dumb, or roll their eyes and walk away.

damn. what a day to take a leap.

however it explains perfectly why i had the balls to leap in and respond... cause knight of swords is brash and rash and dones't care... until later... when he's wondering where everyone went.

i think i shall put on my grubbies and go dig in the garden.
there it is almost impossible to offend, mostly because the faeries that live in my garden are sassy and will have lots of "good" advice to throw right back at me.

there are monsters in my head

and they say mean things like:

• why are you doing that that way [sotto voce] moron
• so what if this week was a success look at next week [sotto voce] looser
• yeah, well let me tell you... [insert criticism and the RIGHT way to do it]
• so um when are you ever gonna get ahead? cause you've been like doing this for years. shouldn't you have figured it out yet?

so for all of my monsters i say I LOVE YOU! (only slightly forced but with real compassion and gratitude)
thank you for trying to keep me safe (and small and invisible.)

but really, you aren't helping anymore. so tell me what you need and let's make a deal. cause i want to make new friends and see new people and play more.

you can come to, but you have to learn some manners and start brushing your pointy teeths.

my new superhero and her duck

go read this post now

please...

Havi and Selma are my new imaginary friends and superhero business models. They are imaginary, not because they don't exist, but because they don't know I exist. yet. but since I only live 3 hours north of her in Seattle maybe someday she will know of me too.


if you are lazy (or are saving your clicks) here are the basics:
So how am I supposed to work with my stuck if these methods aren’t going to (necessarily) do it for me?

There’s an element that all three of these traditional methodologies (and yes, I stereotyped like crazy because I’m a horrible person) are missing.

What they’re missing is kindness to yourself.

Destuckification is about the willingness to meet yourself where you are.

Even if where you are in that moment is not being able to get out of bed and do the thing already.

Even if where you are in that moment is not being able to sit with it.

Even if where you are in that moment is not being able to thank your pain for being there to teach you.

And if you can’t meet yourself where you are yet?

You recognize (or remind yourself) that this is okay too. That you’re practicing. That you are allowed to hate it. That you can take your time getting to the point where you’ll be able to implement some concept that you’ve learned.

drip, drip, drip

it's almost kayak season.

chaos and i are sitting up contemplating water and i realized i have to plan my annual kayak adventure or it may not get in the calendar.

this was taken last year on our south sound adventure.

chaos and i are pondering water because for the last week out water filter has been leaking under the sink. of coarse no one carries parts for water filters so we had to send away for an O-ring.

which takes at least a week to get to you for some dumb-ass reason. i suggest you all go order your back up O-ring right now.

problem with ours is that our water filter is a god forsaken million and a half years old contraption. (i think rich cave men used this version.) so the O-ring that finally came today. not fitting just right. a wee bit small. and therefore the drip drip dripping continues.

so the water stays off for the most part, which is fine but utterly annoying. and i find myself contemplating why anyone thought it was a good idea to bring water into the house. because when it works, it's a joy but when it has crapped out it's a bloody mess. (literally)

am deciding whether to live as is or find a person to install a new one, cause as handy as i am i ain't got no torch.

oh and the kicker to all this. it happens to be in the wealth corner of the house which makes me not want to leave it as is. i think the kitchen facet may have something to do with this whole mess, because we have been putting off installing a new one (it also leaks but only when it's on). my oh my! it is very hard not to just drop $400 and fix it all. alas choices must be made wisely, so will make a decision when not late at night. preferably when 7 new clients have booked so have the $ to pay for it all.

pictures of discovery bay

thought i would finally get a couple of pics up here to share...

this was my favorite little cove. i used to walk out to it almost every day. the sand is smooth there and once in a while a moon snail shell would wash up for me to find.

i have a confession to make.

for most of this trip i had no camera. i am so forgetful when it comes to those simple things. i will have clothes, pots and pans, tea and other non-essentials but somehow i always forget something to document my life with.

this second pic was a typical view from our front porch. only for the first 3 weeks of our month, there would often be a new dusting of snow on those hills. and a bit less sun, except in the early evenings.

a beautiful place. i miss the seagull sentry that would walk up and down the dock every morning, and the kingfishers hovering and diving.

everything seems simpler when you have large expanses of sand to explore.

what really is important

journal entry 9/20/07
What a funny thing this amazing life. We are so concerned with things that matter so little to our continued existence on this planet. If there was one thing I could impart it would be the immanency with which we must act in order to survive. There is so little time and so much to do.

i found this in my purging that began my month of writing. some days i connect and touch what feels like great truth. and some days just are there checking items off the to-do list.

today feels like a little bit of both.

i am trying desperately to remember that my personal development is way more important than what's apparently happening in this crazy world. there will always be some super virus out to kill us, money will still be a challenge for many, hearts will be broken.

the earth, like us, is trying to find balance and its perfect expression. therefore, we will either learn to live in harmony with each other or life will be precarious. it always has been a matter of life or death, why should anything have changed just cause we got smarter, greater in number and spread out. the earth has had just as much time to adapt and find new ways to keep us in balance.

so live. and live well. cause that is what truly matters.

ahhh the paradox

excerpt from marc lesser's blog

"A paradox is something that appears to be contradictory, unbelievable, or absurd but may in fact be true. Do less. Accomplish more. These statements present a paradox. Acknowledging, owning, and embracing the paradoxical nature of our lives, the lives of others, and the world can lessen our resistance to change and increase our effectiveness. At its most basic it makes us less tense and more open to happiness....

Sometimes we get caught up trying to resolve internal contradictions, thinking that if we can, we will solve our busyness. Instead, this effort can itself become the cause of our busyness and our scrambled bewilderment. Our complex minds, emotions, and personality traits are simply a rather wonderful fact of human existence. Accepting that can lighten and expand our self-image, making it more fluid. In a strange way it is a more accurate view of life. Embrace paradox and you increase self-acceptance, tolerance of others, and your own possibilities.

How would you describe yourself as a paradox?
How would you describe your life or work as a paradox?"

• i am shy and yet i thrive in public speaking
• i believe in the abundance of the universe and yet i cling to things and money
• i nurture people for a living and have a hard time receiving when others nurture me
• i am very intelligent and yet often mumble and don't answer simple questions
• i love being around people i hate being in groups larger than 4
  
• i dance with abandon with people under 5 yrs old around, i don't dance with adults
• my work is an evolution of who and where i am and yet i have to "define it" for marketing

i am saying a little prayer for myself and for others. i had an immense attack of "i don't like you" energy and find within myself a jealousy and an intense focus on there is not enough and i don't want you to have any of it.

so i am owning that part of myself, and trying to release the ego attachment and offering up a little prayer.

we are all here learning. most of us are currently treading water and have been for awhile.
there is always enough. always. sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not, like ask for help, or work long hours.
we all come in with baggage. it matters not how amazing or terrible our upbringing was, we all came in with hurts and challenges to work through.
be thankful for those feeling of anger, resentment and jealousy for they show you where you are most grievously wounded and ready to heal.
be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
every word you say is a prayer.
love conquers all.

nearing the end...

of my writing retreat. i have started to look back over all i have done. i am not sure i accomplished much in the "real world" but i cannot help but think i have done amazing things in my physical and emotional body.

i have been dreaming vivid, huge, impactful dreams. i cannot remember most of them upon awakening but i somehow feel different. like my entire body is somehow regrowing, regenerating and transforming into something much more able to live in a constant state of love, peace and flexibility.

kayaking yesterday i had a blissful experience of pushing my body too hard and relaxing it completely into the boat and the water and the world around me. i have never been able to easily do this. i have great fears come up when thinking of myself in this tiny boat sitting a top a vast deep body of cold salt water. i have great respect for the water and i know at any moment it can snap my life clean away. but yesterday my goal was not how to fastest get back to land but how to experience my body, in this boat, the wind, the waves the creatures and the deep teal and ever changing rich blue shades of water and land.

this is the dance i am striving to bring back as i prepare to re-enter the normal daily life. the beauty of the dance, the surrender to trust, the ability to look around and take it all in. to love, to see, to play, to push, and surrender.

see you on the flip side.

discovery bay

this month away seems to be defined solely around water.

we live by the water.

the water falls from the sky.

the water forms big fluffy clouds that block out the sun.

i can't get enough to drink and the electric heat does not help.

i keep having to cross water to return to my real life and see people.

i use hot showers to get warm in the morning and sometimes before i crawl into bed.

the snow covers the hills around us at least once a week.

this area and this bay in particular seem very much like the scottish highlands and instead of a large body of salt water we are besides a giant lake.

we are still awaiting the whales to arrive.

i used to read descriptions about enlightenment and connection to the universe being about stillness and silence. spending a month time out here has shown me that those may be the path to get to enlightenment but God and connection is all about noise and movement. the tides never cease, the wind blows, the rocks tumble in the waves, the birds delight in treasures and each other. nothing is still or silent, but sometimes you must become still and silent in order to realize this.

more will come in time.

you know when life presents you magic sometimes it's all you can do to not run away.

it's terribly hard to stand in the beauty and majesty of the world.

it makes you feel small...

but if you can embrace this infancy you can begin to feel your bigger connection to the entire universe.

interview

WOW!

I just got a call from the West Seattle Herald and I'm going to do an interview with them tomorrow on predictions and trends for 2009.

Is this really my life?

Times they are a changing

This post is long overdue. Alas it is here at the most perfect of times, as with everything.

As a nation (and a planet) we are undergoing a huge shift in the way of things. I believe we have come upon the Tower Card. This is the card tarot readers sometimes dread because they must look their clients in the eye and tell the the hard truth. Your world is about to fall down all around you, there is nothing you can do about it, it is a necessary process and it's gonna knock you on your ass.

I personally adore the Tower card. I love it when it comes up in a reading with clients and I love that our society has just been knocked on it's collective ass. The structures that were built around greed, power, and money are destructive to our families, our planet and obviously to our nation. I am thankful they are crumbling and being destroyed. They serve no one but a few who already have enough. Let's rip them down to their foundations and build them anew in ways that help everyone, and the planet, to thrive.

Change is an inevitable part of life. The only thing constant is change. If we cannot accept and embrace this we will not thrive: individually or collectively.

The tower card speaks of destruction, abrupt change, cataclysmic awakening, tearing down to the roots or foundations and a forceful redirection of beliefs. It speaks to us of looking closely at the foundations we have put into place. If we build upon non solid ground or shore our foundations up with sand we can be sure that change will never feel comfortable and that we will be effected more detrimentally than those who took the time and energy to build on high ground.

For many the economic down turn has cause heart-ache and panic. If you can get past this turmoil you have an amazing opportunity to figure out what actually matters and to rebuild or shore up your foundations with information, strength and love.

No one can upset a foundation that is grounded in purpose, passion and love.

My challenge to you is this:
What actually matters to you? If everything was striped away what would actually matter?
What can no one take away from you?
Can you see the opportunities all around you and start rebuilding?
Are you prepared to act? To change everything? To thrive?
Can you look past the fear and propaganda and find what makes you come alive?
Is it time to walk away from the "normal" way of doing things and take your destiny into your own hands?

Let's start manifesting a society that can bend and be flexible in times of chaos, that can weather storms and shelter it's inhabitants, that thrives in a way that makes everyone feel like a part of something greater, and that is sustainable so we may continue to exist.

We have an extraordinary opportunity here... let's make the most of it and dream really, really big.

local shout out to relaxation

Ritzy Ryciak wrote in the latest Conscious Choice Magazine... "If every one of us got a weekly massage, the world would be a better place... left to my own here-there-everywhere devices, I let sweet, sweet massages fall by the wayside.
Which is a pity, really. Because, if I am honest with myself, I have to admit that modalities like massage-practices where you receive the power of touch and are forced to slow down-not only relax me, they clarify my thinking, make me feel more grounded and put me in closer contact with what my true needs vs. wants are...."

Thank you Ricky for that shout out!

Just another validation that some form of bodywork, can actually change the dynamics of your life. It is an investment in your health, mental/physical/emotional and can actually improve your focus, your ability to act and re-act and can cause you to be able to find solutions to problems quicker. Which in the end will actually save your time, money and stress.

This includes reflexology, massage, energywork, reiki, NIA, yoga, tai chi, qi gong... anything that makes you slow down, breathe deeper, connect with your amazing body and just BE.

blessings!

one step at a time

October has been a seriously intense month. I'm not sure if it the change of seasons or Mercury in retrograde but things have been shifting in very interesting ways. Here are some examples:

Clients not showing up for appointments, or driving to appointments knowing they were supposed to start 30 minutes ago, my favorite is booking an appointment for myself and showing up to a locked door, apparently she thought the appointment was for the following week. It's hilarious when you step away from the confusion of it.

Tarot Party at Jillian's. What a delightful event. I was so nervous, being that it is a pool hall and tends to be noisy but they had a private room and I got there early and picked the quietest corner. There was a line to see me people. A line. It made my little heart so delighted to laugh and delight with these people while giving them a wee bit of help and clarity. Look for Tarot Party link coming soon on the website!

And finally the big! big! big! change. I am investing a significant sum (well to me it's significant in reality it's a really nice vacation) to create this thing that I do into a real life business. Yep, I have finally decided that I need tried and true professional guidance to move me from a very small floundering business to a way to sustain myself. I've decided I don't want to eat beans forever and I don't want to go to the corporate world so it's time to sign on with the pros.

Any new changes in your life?

Remember tis the season to dance with a falling leaf, enjoy!

These are the days...

of owning personal responsibility

of not letting fear overcome your ability to risk, love, do, create and breathe

of showing gratitude for what you have, where you have come from, and where you plan to go

of dreaming the big dreams

of loving just a little bit more

and crying just a little bit louder

and praying
for yourself, your family, the world, our government and our nation

of asking for impossible things
like world peace, and justice, and a break for the underdog, more love, less war, more community, less hate, food for all, water for all, saving the planet, and saving ourselves

these are the days to breathe in, and get up, and take one more step... even though you are so very tired and it seems so utterly impossible and it looks so utterly improbable

all change starts within and ripples out into this world

have gratitude for those that make waves

have gratitude to be here and be alive so that you can choose differently starting right now

green sunscreen

found this article in my inbox to blog about and am finally getting to it. It is entirely relevant though since it's still summer :D

"Broccoli may outperform sunblock

By Rick Weiss

The Washington Post

WASHINGTON — George H.W. Bush: Call your dermatologist.

New research suggests broccoli, the vegetable that the former president famously demonized as inedible, can prevent the damage from ultraviolet light that often leads to skin cancer. And as Bush would surely appreciate, he would not even have to eat it.

In tests on people and hairless mice, a green smear of broccoli-sprout extract blocked the potentially cancer-causing damage usually inflicted by sunlight and showed potential advantages over sunscreens.

The product is still in early stages of development. Among other issues to be worked out is how best to remove the extract's green pigments, which do not contribute to its protective effects and would give users a temporary Martian complexion.

But scientists said the research represents a significant advance because the extract works not by screening out the sun's rays — which has the downside of blocking sun-induced vitamin D production — but by turning on the body's natural cancer-fighting machinery. Once stimulated, those mechanisms work for days, long after the extract is washed away."

middle of the night ponderings

maybe it's because it is 1:30 in the morning but for some reason this makes perfect sense right now

Exerpt from OSHO.com newsletter

"Confusion is a great opportunity. The problem with people who are not confused is great — they think they know, and they know not. The people who believe that they have clarity are really in great trouble; their clarity is very superficial. In fact they know nothing of clarity; what they call clarity is just stupidity.

Idiots are very very clear...clear in the sense that they do not have the intelligence to feel confusion.

To feel confusion needs great intelligence.

Only the intelligent ones feel confusion; otherwise the mediocre go on moving in life, smiling, laughing, accumulating money, struggling for more power and fame. If you see them you will feel a little jealous; they look so confident, they even look happy.

If they are succeeding, if their money is increasing and their power is increasing and their fame is growing, you will feel a little jealous. You are so confused and they are so clear about their life; they have a direction, they have a goal, they know how to attain it, and they are managing, they are already achieving, they are climbing the ladder. And you are just standing there, confused about what to do, what not to do, what is right and what is wrong. But this has always been so; the mediocre remains certain. It is only for the more intelligent to feel confusion, chaos.

Confusion is a great opportunity. It simply says that through the mind there is no way. If you are really confused you are blessed. Now something is possible, something immensely valuable; you are on the verge. If you are utterly confused, that means the mind has failed; now the mind can no longer supply any certainty to you."

staying young

I was reading a magazine while waiting for my massage today and there was a tidbit of an article about 3 ways to stay young, by Dr Oz. I was delighted to say that reflexology provides all three!

1) Reduce Stress. Reflexology does this by giving you a whole hour to just be. It also stimulates brain wave activity similar to deep meditation, so the body, mind and spirit enter a deep renewal period and recharge. Frequent session of reflexology (about 1 per month) help to teach your body how to relax and maintain that relaxation and adaptability much like bio-feedback training.

2) Increase Sleep. I always tell clients on their first session that I will take their snoring as a compliment. Reflexology is like a major power recharge. A study several years ago found that a 1 hour session of reflexology was like the equivalent of 8 hours of sleep, your body can really respond to this amazing work! Find yourself working long hours trying to meet a deadline, take an hour out to recharge both body and brain. It will save you years of your life.

3) Decrease Toxicity. It is estimated that we are exposed to hundreds of toxins per day. YIKES! Several of those toxins settle in the feet due to gravity and decreased circulation. Reflexology helps remove toxins from your system by stimulating circulation, and gently balancing all your organs through their reflexive points.

To wrap up reflexology not only makes you feels great but it actually makes you younger :D in a round about kinda way!

the art of abundance

abundance what a magical word a-bun-dance can't you just visualize your breakfast rolls dancing with joy at being lathered with butter and eaten with large cups of tea.

silliness aside... I have just been re-exposed to my limiting beliefs around abundance, money and receiving.

As part of a magical group of amazing self employed women I was given the opportunity to read a secret new document centering around these concepts.

I walked away with so much hope in my heart and so much appreciation for my abilities as a service provider. I am finally getting it through my thick skull about how I really can help more people in more profound ways if I truly take remarkable care of myself first. At the core of this is working through beliefs that cause me to undercharge for the work that I do.

So get ready world Amy the person is separating herself from Amy the business and she's gonna clean house and create some seriously amazing things for her clients.

Look soon for some beautiful packages that are designed to create a truly unique healing experience and transform your life while providing stress relief!
I can't wait! and what an amazing time of year to be growing, so in alignment with the magic of summer.

Want to know more? check out Mikelann my magical guide of money here:
Womens Earning Institute
blog
this ebook will be available later on so subscribe to her newsletter for great monthly articles and updates on this book that will transform the way you do money.

PS my new mantra is "I am now open to receiving" especially some yummy a-bun-dance with butter please :D

exercise

do you ever wish someone else could exercise for you and you would get all the benefits?

i'm just sitting here knowing i need to go to the gym and not wanting to disrupt my very snuggly cats nor put in the effort to actually move.

there are just days where it is difficult to be motivated. in my rational brain i know that i will feel so much better after... alright, alright... here i go.

sorry kitties.

saying YES by saying NO

These past few weeks have been a little manic. I am finishing up one job and trying to recover momentum in my reflexology practice while building the awareness that I do tarot reading.

In the midst of all the commitments and housework and gardening I ran across something that made my head spin and my body perk up and pay attention.

I saw an activity in that requires you to say No to every invitation you receive for the next two days. This is to get you into the practice of artfully being able to say no. I believe the reason you have to say no to everything at first is so you can begin to pause before answering and from the pause decide if the activity is of interest.

From this pause and momentary check in with body and breath you can begin to truly say YES to life and the opportunities that really resonate with you.

so let's practice:

Hey do you have a minute? No, I'm really busy right now please send me an email or voice mail
Do you want to....? No, right now I'm a it overwhelmed but what about in a few days
Can you....? I'd like to but I am crunched for time can you email it so I can look at it later or go ask so-in-so

See you can be courteous while saying no. It is great practice, and you don't have to miss out on any opportunities just ask them to get you the details and make the decision later. Our instant reaction is often YES when faced with a request. We are by nature wanting to ease other peoples burdens and help out, often to the detriment of ourselves. This leads to mis-directed anger and resentment. Stop playing the victim and learn to say No first, then gather details and make an informed decision after.

Remember your body NEVER lies. Listen to it so you can say YES with lightness and strength. I have noticed a huge increase in my energy from playing with this activity, I hope you do too. And feel free to use me as a sounding board, I'd love to hear you say NO :D

what I want

I just found myself responding to a friends inquiry and felt the need to share as someone else out there in this big world might relate.

How do I know what I want?

Well this is a very difficult answer for me. Here is what I know. I know that when I get confused, angry or freaked out that I am not asking for what I want. Unfortunately this reaction usually has a negative effect on the person with me and I end up pushing them away and getting exactly what I don't want yet somehow think I deserve.

I had a hard childhood (we all did), I grew up in a emotionally needy yet detached family who had sever money issues and believe they would a) never get ahead and b) were haunted by familial beliefs of poverty and self denial. It has taken me 10 years of therapy just to be able to begin to identify these issues and start to move on them.

So how am I starting to understand what I want. I smile... I can help but smile when I see something or think about it. I feel peaceful (versus the butterflies I get when I state something I think I should want, or am offer something i don't want). When I have identified something I really want and start to think about how to get to it or obtain it things fall into place, the universe conspires to give it to me in strange and beautiful ways. And the most difficult one. I hurt... and I cry a lot... why? Because of the years that I have denied myself? No mainly because it hurts acutely to come back and love yourself enough to give it to yourself. So when the hurt is almost unbearable and I find myself smiling and crying at the exact same time I know I am in the exact perfect place and that I have begun to heal one more piece.

Imagination and Failure

JK Rowlings Harvard Commencement Speech

a most important movie

I love having a spouse who is a film composer. It gives me the chance to go to film festivals! I have got to see several in the Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF) but on Tuesday we went to a show at (STIFF) Seattle's True Independent Film Festival.

We went because a short Eric had written music for was showing :D

The feature we saw after was incredible. Anyone in the US who can vote needs to see it. It will piss you off and hopefully make enough people stop being apathetic and stand up and take back this country. It talks about the last two elections, and that's all I'm going to say. Here is the website. Check it out... attend a screening if you can. Order a dvd and host a gathering. I have to say that the best thing about this film is at the end it gives you solutions to the problem so you still leave angry but with a possible solution in hand.

Uncounted The Movie.com

musings

it has been brought to my attention several times this week of the beauty of being a human. what is so beautiful about it both authors wrote, in very different ways, is the ability to make mistakes.

it is so wonderful to have it pointed out to me in such a blatant and deliberate way that i am here not to be perfect, but instead to be perfectly capable of messing up. this drive to not succumb to our human nature-mistakes-leads many of us on a life of order, predictability and ultimately dissatisfaction in the end.

the last few weeks have been a roller coaster of self doubt, depression, and fear. it has not escaped my notice that the universes is pulling me out of this funk by asking me to embrace these parts of myself and daring me to show up in ways that may allow me to fall on my face or may allow me to spread my wings a little further.

today i stood at my back door an marveled at the breathtaking beauty contained out there. i am truly lucky to have a small home with an incredible view of puget sound and the olympic mountains. the sky was high clouds covering all but allowing muted sunlight to filter through, what was so incredible was the calmness of the water and the blue-ness of the mountains and her foothills, the white snow and the soft yellows of sun peeking through the cold grays and whites of the different layers of clouds. it took my breath away.

i wondered if anyone else was looking outside and saw this incredible sight, and if it moved them.

the mountains have so much time on this earth to learn lessons of patience, self love and mastery. they can afford to make many mistakes, to learn, to risk, as they will be around to change and do things differently. we can take that approach as well. it doesn't matter if we are here 60 or 100 years. what matters is if we have lived during those short years. if we were willing to give up everything to become greater than we were before. i don't know if i will always be able to say "yes" to life. in fact i know i won't be able to, i just have to look back on these last two weeks. what i do know is that i have continuously come back to myself time and again and said "yes" and that, is all that counts. it matters not how many times you run away. all that matters is that you return. and so you prove that you are human and therefore perfect in every way imaginable because you are alive and able to mess up and willing to return to face yourself. to love yourself by choosing your imperfect, fallible, self.

compost

being self employed is surely becoming the most hazardous thing i have ever done. my time is divided into a myriad of "Things to do" "Things that I should do" and "Things that must be done yesterday."


in amidst all the internal chaos are two cats, a house, a giant yard, laundry and dinner. oh yeah and a husband. how'd i forget him?

what am i slowly but surely learning? that every thing counts and that all my failures need to be relegated to the realm of compost. yes compost, that luscious black squishy dirt that feeds plants vital nutrients, keeps their roots warm in the winter and wet in the summer. no plant can thrive without this decaying material made of bit of paper, food, leaves and lots of small bug like things. when i look back, i find much fertile fodder all in small piles... what a delightful and more healthy way to look at these piles. instead of being embarrassed, ashamed or repelled by the failure i can back up, laugh a little and sprinkle it hardily onto everything i see.

if i can shift my perspective just this little bit i can see that yes, life is full of shit, and what a delightful thing to roll up your sleeves, dig your shovel in and hide your own pile under the skirt of your newest success, because that pile fed that success just like compost hides at the base of every healthy plant.

so in addition to the mantra
chop wood, carry water
achieve enlightenment
chop wood, carry water

i will add:
shovel shit
achieve enlightenment
spread compost