on retreats and the processing that happens after
when on retreat it's like you are having a continuous inflow of information pouring into every pore of your body. there is nothing like a good retreat.
witnessing others processes and then finding answers for yourself in their experience. amazing!
but then you have to come back to the real world. and everything gets a bit wonky, strange and like you are moving through molasses.
in someways it is a brilliant opportunity to re-examine whats important and what is ready to be purged.
today while taking down the laundry i was hit with a huge wave of gratitude and sadness. i was so thankful for this amazing day, for the sunflowers, the heat, the clothes drying outside this late in September. so much simple joy and delight.
and then the sadness hit and i long to stay in this simplicity, to live as we once did where the daily tasks of tending to your land mattered far more then money. i didn't sign up to support my family for over a year, i expected things to flow easier for my spouse and i never thought i would still be in the same place i was last year at this time. yes i have learned so much and grown a tremendous amount but i am just as financially stuck.
had i known this was where i would be a year from now... well i would have made 3000 other choices. and i understand that this is an issue affecting hundreds of thousands of people so i am not alone, but that may also be why it hurts so bad.
so how to return to the simplicity and the gratitude and the ease. cause it exists side by side and if i can experience such grounded connectivity in a weekend retreat why can't i capture a piece of that for myself today.
perhaps i shall dance a bit to return to the trust that everything comes as needed and i am extremely blessed.
whatever is moving through it is a HUGE reminder that just because you have left the retreat you are still likely to be processing the information for days after. just know this and allow the feeling to come up and move out, then the new information can take residence.